More Things I Learned

Someone told me that a person will find someone exactly like the previous spouse and marry that person. Usually the same results will follow - another divorce.

This point was brought home to me through a friendship with another couple. We three served on an advisory board. I liked both of them. I thought the man was really a neat guy. As we became better acquainted I realized the man was very much like my ex-spouse only with some weird traits all his own.

This lesson showed me how easily a mistake could be made. I was so glad I learned this!

Timing is Everything
It is important to take time to grieve the end of a marriage. The chances are great that a person will jump into a new relationship without grieving the end of the marriage - and that new relationship will end up on the rocks.

Some say that, if a divorced person doesn't remarry within two years, it won't ever happen. Not so! Remember timing is everything!

I observed one lady who had been divorced several years. An interesting
man showed up at Lutheran Singles. He was at the beginning of his divorce. The lady really liked him but the timing was all wrong. She was ready for a relationship and he wasn't. Timing, truly, is everything.

Blame
There is always enough blame to go around in any divorce. I have rarely seen a couple where one did everything right and the other was completely to blame for the break-up.

It would have been so much easier if my spouse had walked out. Then I could have blamed it all on him. :-)

It usually isn't the big things that cause a break-up. It is the little things, that, over time, build up that finally can't be ignored.

Support
Any person who is going through a difficult time needs a good support system. It can be family, friends or church. A number of people in my church choir were my main support. I could go to choir practice and be comfortable with the group. Also friends from work were supportive.

One of the ladies I worked with would call me at home in the evenings. One night she called and told me to turn to Hebrews in the Bible. Every time I opened my Bible, it opened to the book of James. I told her this. She told me to read James then and later I could read Hebrews. James was what I needed to read that evening.

She was streetwise and I was very naive. I told her something one of the men at work said. She told me he had made a verbal pass at me. Luckily for me, it passed right over my head! I did learn to avoid that guy.

I think I was probably a "baby" Christian then. I began taking Bible studies at my church. We had an excellent teacher and I really learned a lot. It is very possible I would have been a "baby" Christian all my life. I probably would never taken part in those Bible studies had I stayed where I was in life.

It's a Big, Scary World Out There
Life as a single was so different. As one of my classmate's widowed sister told him - all the single guys were interested in was sex. She was so right. Single men who wanted to be "friends" were few and far between!

Every singles group had lots of "sharks" and "barracudas" - and they were males and females in both categories.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that friends often felt they needed to choose sides with the regard to the divorced couple. Not only do friends do this but so does the couple.

My ex-spouse's youngest sister was very special to me. We grew to be really good friends over the years. We talked on the phone often - and we talked about everything. I tried to continue this friendship but it was impossible. It was important to me to keep my life private. So I chose to end this friendship because blood is thicker than water.

So many things to learn! It can seem overwhelming. It is important to "grow" through divorce rather than to "go" through it.